LOVE;THE PAIN

By


Love.
What does love really entail?

I really get confused at times.
Love is good but the pain it brings, resides deep within

It hurts when I receive acceptance instead of rejection from Him; 
Kindness in place of cold-heartedness;
And affirmation instead of disavowal.

I ask, what do I do with God love?
Hold it close or let it go?

Incapacitated; 
I don't know how to react,
For rejection is a constant with humans,
But God’s love is overwhelming 

And when I sin, 
Ooo; that moment when I really do hurt my father.
 
When I run away from Him, 
He still runs after me, bleeding, 
With holes in His feet, He doesn't consider his pains. 
He doesn't consider how my actions hurts Him. 
He considers, instead, that I am hurt:
The lost sheep which had wandered off into the dark alley again.

He wipes my tears with His blood soaked cloth,
I look intently at His face, wondering how He can not see that He is bleeding 

How can He be sensitive to my needs and forget His? 
That was not the human way.
For no one bothers to carry his neighbours load while dragging his.

He tends to my bruise and I wonder in amazement how I come first to Him. 
For His wounds, still very fresh, has flies perching on them. 
How does He takes care of my old wound and leaves His unattended to? 

Haa!!
Why is He so concerned about me? 

What do I do? 
I certainly can't love Him back with the same frequency He loves me.
I don't even know how to truly love anyone.
For I am unwilling to sacrifice my desires,
While He sacrificed Himself. 

Why will anyone decide to make His future centered around me? 
Why did He decide not to leave a place so He can intercede for my selfishness? 

How do I react to a love like this? 
“Beat me”, I cried
“Punish me”, I stammered 

“Hurt me; 
“Please; 
But don't love me, 
For your love hurts me,
And my inability to be like you is killing”.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

LET US FIGHT

By
Image
He is a man born of a woman! He has an unquenchable desire to conquer. He believes he was born with the right to rule. Yet he is fragile and he runs from hunting in the forest His hands; unable to carry a gun, but can carry a stick. His hands; unable to pull the trigger, but can hit a woman. While real men discuss ways to keep a home, he prides himself with skills of battery. While real men discussed the wars of conquest, he recounts woeful tales of defiling women. While real men protects what they love, he destroyed the uniqueness of what made her a woman AROGUNDADE A man of unrivaled wisdom. He is the king's favorite among all his advisers, popular for his treachery and cons . His devious schemes never failed, careful planning and good tactics has brought kingdoms to knees through his help, for his strength lies in his quick reasoning. I, at times, wonder why the gods bless the bad ones with the best gifts. The villagers expected a full bodied man like himself  to b
Read more

NORMAL?

By
Image
I have a plan which I share when asked what my goal in life is. You see, I come from a society where you are expected to have a goal. The goal certainly has its rudiments. It typically contains; Making a lot of money; Working as a banker; Becoming a 'big madam' Getting married and having 'fine fine children' Therefore to avoid been tagged as a loser, I answer with the unarticulated laid down pattern, which my society demands from me. Thus, I had to have a plan that portrays me like the society wants. I have different versions of the 'plan' Each plan depending on who  enquires. To the elders I reply ------ "To further my education"; To the white collar folks -------"I am working to become administrative head" To the entrepreneurs ----------- "Being a business woman is my goal" And on goes endless responses. To avoid being tagged a liar, I ensure I remember to tell them the exact same thing I told them when they enqu
Read more

What if I die today?

By
Image
Death where is thy sting? I am sure this is a statement you may be familiar with. I wonder today, what my life consists of. I ask myself what awaits me after death. Each passing day brings me close to death, With questions I have no answer to. How will the world react after my demise? Will I be missed? Or will the world rejoice? I look at the people I have impacted and I realise I still have a long way to go. I have quite a big mouth I ponder on the thousands of people I might have spoken ill to/of. I love heaven because its my home. Yet I ponder on how much impact I have made in my temporary abode. Then I look at people who had impacted the world greatly. Great biblical men and women after God own heart who did a lot for their temporary abode Esther. The beauty queen with a selfless heart; Who believed in the power of  bended knees. Orphaned at a tender age, Yet filled with love. A selfless leader. Staring death in the eyes, yet choosing to die for her na
Read more

TO MY FRIEND WHO IS LOST

By
Image
'Show me your friend and I will tell you who you are' the saying goes. But how can I point them out to you when they cannot be found?   "20 children cannot play for 20 years" the Yoruba adage proclaims But I firmly believed that we could defy the odds , Probably the proverbs coming from the elders' lips hold more deeper truths within than I give them credit For they can indeed see much farther distances when sitting down at the foot of the valley. While my vibrant youthful eyes can only strain themselves in an effort to know what lies ahead even while standing on the mountain top. True wisdom indeed lies on the lips of the ancients who came to the world ahead of me   But who would blame my infant mind from imagining such fantasies? For I had believed that friendship can lead to brotherhood, For I had believed all friendships could survive the sails on both the calm and stormy tides, For I thought that the uniqueness of the things we shared, could defy
Read more

DESIRES

By
Image
Finally she had a man who loved her for who she was, For she had asked the Holy ghost to send her a man after His heart! Outwardly all seem to be fine But her soul had a ranging number of uncertainties. For to her she lacked the gift of discernment, She however had the biblical injunction to be gentle like a dove and wise as a serpent Thus he became a book she studied, One cannot be too careful She further declared to herself She was convinced that Saint Paul through the inspiration of the Holyghost, had written the essence of casting down imaginations bearing in mind she will exist one day, For her imagination had built up numerous things that needed to be cast down. Like a mathematics teacher She scrutinized all his actions For the step by step mechanisms was as important as the answer itself, Increasingly picking out the similarities with the men she had read about, In her record book his actions is likened to the unpleasant stories she has heard! The unpleasan
Read more

THE RAGING OF MY SOUL

By
Image
Let’s talk my friends. I come from a closely knitted family. However, my Life is an Irony, For I am a lonely child accustomed to sitting in the dark; I live in a house filled with people and I know that nobody sees me: I assume I am just a slave where other kings dwell. My heart tells me I am loved. Yet my mind tells me not to desire too much. The unfathomable anguish my soul passes through is too deep for my understanding. My soul longs for a Love that will ravage me; A love that will fill up the sparseness of my soul; My heart desires an affection that will engulf the totality of my being. The changes that accustomed teenage hood, All collided to introduce emotions that were foreign to me. Making me hunger more for an 'insatiable kind of love', And I almost believed I was 'lusting after love'. My desires for such a love, is beyond mere words. And my vocabularies cannot find that very word to describe the longing within. The battles of my heart have
Read more